Somewhere in the darkness, water dripped steadily. The sound reverberated, trapped by the winding stone tunnel the woman walked. Glimmers of silver light kept time with the echoing drops, giving the traveler on the dark path a guide. The setting had a dreamlike feel, misty and distant. She was barefoot, clad only in a light shift of muted slate blue, but she felt no cold, and the stone beneath her feet made no impression on the tender soles.

"Are you lost?" The voice was light an clear, unexpected in the darkness. The owner, made out in the dim light by the woman's tired eyes, was another surprise. The little girl huffed impatiently, putting her small hands on her hips and tilting her head to look at the intruder, her wide eyes and cocked eyebrows giving her a gamine look.

"Who are you?" The woman's voice was rough and soft with tears or illness, and she reached out towards the girl. The child shrugged, reaching for the woman's hand and shaking it somberly.

"Alise. You're not supposed to be down here, you know," she scolded with friendly disapproval. "How did you get here?"

"I don't know. My name's." For a moment it escaped her, and she plucked a familiar nickname from memory. "I'm Vana."

"It doesn't matter. Names are just things we wear for a little while." The bright gaze swept over her again and the child giggled. "Well, come on, I'll take you to Marmé."

"Marmé? Who is that?"

Alise ignored her, instead tugging on the hand she still held and leading the woman on. Her long black curls brushed against the woman's hand like cool silk, entwined with thin pale ribbons and tiny flowers.

"Come with me."

Bemused, Vana allowed the child to lead her through the cave into a high, opened chamber filled with cool white light. Blinking to adjust her vision, Vana looked at her guide, taking in the pretty, angular face still rounded with baby fat, her skin pale and fresh as only a child's could be. It sent a silver stab of pain through her and she turned away.

"Well, what have me here?" A woman in a long shapeless dress was moving across the room towards them. Her tone was pleasant, the voice neither old nor young but rich with warmth and a timbre that bespoke a lifetime of wisdom.

"I found her on the path," Alise answered, releasing Vana's hand and skipping towards the woman. Her pale apple-green dress bounced with her energetic motion, the white ribbons bobbing and twirling along with her dark curls, leaving the confused woman to follow in her wake.

"Hello, Vana." As the woman moved to meet them, Vana had a moment of dizzy disorientation as she tried to look at her. The woman's face seemed to ripple and shift, one moment old and gentle, the next young and bright with amusement. Even her skin and hair seemed to lighten and darken as she came forward, as though invisible shadows danced over and around her. She lay a hand on Alise's head and said something softly, and the girl skipped off, seeming to disappear from sight in an instant.

The smile came through clearly though, full of a warmth that spread through the room like summer shine through an opened window.

"Hello," Vana murmured shyly, uneasy and uncomfortable. The woman chuckled, graceful hands spreading in welcome.

"Come in and have tea, child." A steaming pot and pale blue china cups sat ready on a low stone table bracketed by squat three-legged stools. "I'm sure you're ready for a rest after traveling all this way."

Wary but strangely drawn, Vana allowed herself to be guided to one of the seats and accepted the cup of tea her hostess poured for her. Fragrant steam bathed her face as she stared down into the amber-green liquid. She tried to look at the woman across from her, but saw nothing but a face obscured by shadows that didn't exist in this bright airy place.

"Who are you?" The question seemed loud and obnoxious in quiet room. An unseen child's giggle broke into the stillness that followed, quickly followed by another until the air was colored with merriment.

"Alise, why don't you run along and find your friends?" There was a gentle authority in the suggestion, and the giggles faded off into the distance. That warm smile turned back to Vana and she felt her cheeks flush as she dropped her eyes.

"Now." That same loving firmness threaded through her voice. "What are you doing here, my lovely girl?"

"I don't know where here is," Vana confessed, cradling her cup between her palms. The tea warmed the chill she hadn't noticed until now and soothed her nerves.

"Oh? Well, that puts a different light on things. Well, this is. between." Those slender, strong hands spread in a shrug. "Call it Heaven's waiting room if you like."

"Then Alise."

"Is waiting. As are you, apparently." For a moment the woman's face sharpened into crystal focus, familiar and beloved. Laugh lines bracketed her tender smile and made delicate crow's feet at the corners of her eyes. She reached across the table and wrapped her hands over Vana's, her touch dry and silken.

"Child, you don't belong here. Why did you come?" Her kindness undid the locks and chains wrapped around the pain. Words and tears tumbled out through the open doors; the emptiness, the despair, the loneliness, the wondering.

"Why? Why me? Why my little angel?"

"Oh, sweetheart." The woman came around the table and wrapped Vana in a gentle embrace, her tone tender and sad. "Every woman who has ever lost a child has asked that question. There are no answers, my dear, dear girl."

Vana allowed herself to be enfolded, rocked against the comforting warmth of the woman's body. Slowly her tears dried as the woman hummed softly and combed the tangles from her long blond hair.

"I don't really know you, do I?" Vana asked, drawing away finally. Her eyes sought the shadowed face, wide and hazy blue. "You're no one I've ever met."

"Of course you know me," came the chiding reply. "As a child knows a mother. You've let your pain become more important than your faith for now."

"Goddess."

"Well, one of them," the Lady laughed. "Let's just say I'm the gatekeeper here, and leave it at that." She patted Vana's hands affectionately, then cupped the pretty face between her palms.

"Come walk with me, child. Let me show you something."

Together they crossed the room, and went through an archway that Vana hadn't noticed before. The Goddess slipped her arm through Vana's like an old friend as the air was filled with the bright green scents of a summer day. The stone beneath their feet became grass, long and cool against the skin, and sunlight danced through the interlaced branches of gnarled apple trees.

"Marmé!" An exuberant shout drew their attention and a dainty pixie of a child threw herself into the Lady's arms, all long golden hair and chubby sun-kissed limbs. "Come see what we did to Socks!" The child danced in impatience, tugging at the goddess' dress. "Hurry before he eats it!" She drug the women through the orchard.

Under the dappled shade of an impressively sprawling tree, a fat Shetland pony stood with an air of bored patience, sunlight dappling his brownish-gold coat. Occasionally he shifted, stretching his nose down to nibble at the lush turf. Alise scolded him furiously when he moved, and went back to fussing with the garlands of bright flowers twined though his long pale mane and tail.

"Alise braided his hair and I put in the flowers!" the blonde girl said excitedly. "And when he's all pretty, we're going to have a parade! And I get to be a princess!"

Alise smothered a giggle, then looked up and flashed the women a dazzling smile, her greenish-gold eyes filled with pleasure.

"You did a beautiful job, Gabby." The goddess' hand came to rest lightly on the sunny tresses as she met Vana's startled gaze. The little girl laughed with unrestrained delight and bounded away, further injuring the handsome little pony's dignity by throwing herself onto his dappled back. Alise came around the pony, who looked mournfully after her as he submitted to little Gabby's giggling demands to walk. With an aggrieved sigh the pony ambled off a few feet and Alise came to take Vana's hand.

"She's okay for a little kid," Alise told the woman, who stared longingly after the laughing child on the pony. "My mom said she would be." The Goddess smiled, and walked away into the trees, leaving Vana standing alone with the children, the trees, and the plump, long-suffering pony.

"Your mother?" Vana was distracted by the halo of light around her daughter's hair as she leaned forward to throw her arms around the pony's neck. Daisies and riotously colored sweet william nodded in the light breeze, filling the air with sweetness.

"Yeah. She told me Gabby was coming. She asked me to take care of her and Socks."

"That was nice of her." Vana absently swung the little girl's hand. "Is your mum her too?"

"No." The child was matter-of-fact. "Just me, and Uncle Shaun, but he's busy. He has to take care of Mom and my brothers for me."

"Oh." There didn't seem to be an answer for that. "And Socks?"

"My mom said he could be my pony now, until she comes. He was hers when she was a little girl."

"Well, he seems like a good boy."

Alise laughed musically.

"My papa hated him. He kicked him once."

"Ponies do," the Lady said from behind them. "You can't change their nature." She gave Vana an understanding smile. "Go visit with Gabby and Socks while Alise and I make some crowns for the princesses," she urged gently.

Vana approached the pair almost timidly, her gaze fixed on her daughter. The proud pony head lifted, liquid eyes turning towards her as the animal whickered softly. The girl smiled with guileless sweetness and held out her arms to be lifted from his back.

"Hi," she said brightly.

"Hello, Gabrielle," Vana replied, her voice catching in her throat as the solid weight of the child settled into her arms. "How are you?"

"Good. It's nice here, isn't it Mummy?"

Vana's eyes filled and overflowed as she hugged the warm little body close, rocking back and forth. Starfish hands patted her cheeks gently, her daughter's smile both bright and worried.

"You're not supposed to cry here, Mummy. Aren't you happy?"

"Very happy right now." Vana dried her face on the hem of her dress, sitting in the long grass with her daughter in her lap. The pony came over to investigate, nuzzling them both, then turning away with a pointed sniff.

"He wants carrots." Gabrielle made a face at the pet and turned back to her mother. "Mummy, where's my sister?"

"She's. at home."

"Then why aren't you at home too? Does she have a pony?"

"No, she doesn't."

"That's too bad. Does she have dolls?"

"Yes, sweetie, she has dolls."

"Good." Gabby grinned, tiny teeth like little pearls against pink satin lips. "You'll play dolls with her." Her busy hands worked with a tiny clutch of flowers, twining them clumsily into her mother's long hair.

"Yes, I'll play dolls with her." Vana cuddled the little girl close, her cheek resting on the child's head, breathing in the soft, warm scent of healthy child and sunshine. She was quiet, at peace, and the comfortable silence rested between them for a long time as she held her daughter and the girl drifted off to sleep.

A hand on her shoulder woke Vana from her drifting peace, and she looked up into the face of the Lady, once more shadowed and indistinct.

"It's time to go, Vana," she said gently. Reluctantly, Vana rose, carrying the sleepy child. The Goddess smiled again, and shook her head.

"She has to stay, love. You know that."

"Then I'll stay." Stubborn blue-gray eyes lifted defiantly and the Goddess chuckled.

"No, child. You have other things to do for now."

"But-"

"She's waiting." There was strength in the assurance, firm as the tone was. "Just like Alise. One day you'll come and take her home with you, just like Alise's mother will come and take her and her pet home. They wait- and the living go on. Life does go on, my girl, even when you wish it otherwise." The Goddess sighed, and the sound rustled through the trees, setting the leaves to whispering secrets.

"Let her stay and be the princess. Alise and I will take good care of her, I promise you." She lifted the child from Vana's embrace and laid her gently in the grass. With a sleepy murmur the girl turned on her side and snuggled into the sun-warm grass, her lips curved into a smile.

"It's time, Vana." The Goddess' hand touched hers, and they stood again in the cave of stone, bathed in cool white light. Sympathy lay heavy in her voice. "It's time to go home."

"But-"

"No buts, my beloved daughter. Whenever you hurt, and it will hurt, just think about the gift you've been given. Think of your little girl playing at being a princess with flowers in her hair, and a prancing steed to ride on. Think of her whole and healthy and strong, waiting for you to come and take her on to an even better place in the fullness of time. Be happy, and be blessed."

The light faded, and the cave and goddess were swallowed by the darkness.



She awoke in darkness, her heart beating heavy and painful in her chest. Emptiness washed through her as she sat up slowly, the coolness of the air contrasting with the warm bed coverings. Tears trickled down her cheeks.

All just a dream, a beautiful, terrible dream. She brushed the tears away with her palms, and her fingers encountered something cool and soft in her hair. She careful disentangled it from the unruly blonde waves, reaching out to flick on the bedside lamp.

A child-sized nosegay of summer flowers lay in her palm, breathing sweetness into the air. Her tear-dampened fingers wandered gently over the bright blossoms, remembering the tug of tiny fingers twisting the green stems into her hair. Be happy, and be blessed. She lifted the bouquet to her face, closed her eyes. and smiled.