For the first time in a long time I rose before my lover. Probably because of my impromptu cat nap on the sofa. I was too restless to just lay in the bed, and once I emerged from the bathroom after taking a long shower I found that I wasn't content to just sit around either. Instead of waking Rafi I left him a note and then left our home for the solitude of my studio. I hadn't sculpted anything for quite sometime but today

I found myself pulling out the clay that I kept beneath one of the kitchen cupboards. It was wrapped in a thick black contractors bag and had to be kept moist so that it would remain pliable. I kept the clay moist but hadn't used it for months. I folded and kneaded it, working out the bubbles of air that would cause it to explode when it was cured. After the clay had been prepped I found myself working the large lump of clay into the vague silhouette of a woman. I had to constantly spray the messy material to keep it workable what had started out as only an inkling of an idea was now being birthed through my hands.

I worked for hours without even thinking about how much time had passed. I was so lost in my work I almost didn't hear the phone ringing. My first instinct was to ignore the shrill invasive sound but when it went on without interruption I found that I couldn't block it out. Rinsing off my hands and drying them on the makeshift smock I donned I picked up the noisy contraption with a sigh of exasperation. I hated having my artistic flow interrupted, and whoever was on the other end of this line was about to catch hell if there wasn't some sort of emergency going on.

Hello The single syllable managed to convey the full weight of my emotion.

The caller on the other end of the phone laughed a rich deep laugh. I'd only heard it once before, still I immediately recognized it as Zahriah's. Damn what the hell time was it? I'd forgotten my plans to meet her for an afternoon meal.

I'm sorry Raissa, The laughter carried over in her voice and I got the distinct impression that she wasn't at all sorry.

Am I disturbing you?

No. I lied with a smile.

So then you were just ignoring me?

What? No of course not I just lost track of time.

I managed to turn and glance at the clock on the wall. It was half past three.

I called your studio like four times girl. Again there was that laugh.

I shrugged even though she couldn't see the gesture and told her how lost I sometimes got in my work.

She assured me that she fully understood then asked if I happened to be hungry.

Yes.

I said realizing that I hadn't eaten all day long. Besides that I wanted to see Zahriah , for reasons I couldn't quite define. Her personality and conversation intrigued me. I couldn't wait to be in her presence again. We agreed to meet at Ambonisye's, a small Tanzanian café. I'd heard many good things about the restaurant but somehow I had never found the time to sample their cuisine.

I took the time to carfully re-wrap my newborn sculpture and then cleaned up my work space. I couldn't stand to leave a mess even when I was in somewhat of a rush. I ran a tub full of hot water and lavender scented soap. While the water was running I unearthed a clean wash cloth and towel from the linen closet which had become somewhat of a catchall closet. I'd promised Zahriah that I'd meet her in forty five minutes, I knew it would only take me five minutes to get there riding at break neck speed in a taxi, but I still was cutting it close. I didn't take the time to luxuriate in the water like I was wont to do, instead I made quick work of washing the sweat form my skin and scrubbing the ash colored clay from beneath my short nails.

When I was done I drained the water and dried my skin. Again I spared a few moments to clean up, and put the bathroom back in order. When I had done that I lotioned my skin and looked for an outfit to put on. Unfortunately none of the cloths that remained in my studio seemed right. I wished I had time to run home and find the perfect ensemble but there just wasn't time. Instead of agonizng and wasting even more time on indecision I quickly picked out a simple orange sundress . The dress was halter style and displayed more than a hint of clevage, while clinging in all the right places. It had been one of my favorites although I had forgotten all about it, putting it on I couldn't even remember why I'd left it in my studio instead of at home in my closet. I paired the dress with a simple pair of brown leather sandals and took the time to put on the little bit of makeup that I carried around in my purse. Again I found that I would have liked to go home and take more time getting ready but it looked like this was as good as it would get.

I examined the results in the full length mirror that was suspended on the back of the bathroom door. I wasn't quite satisfied but I wasn't really unhappy with my appearance either. I couldn't put my finger on exactly why and I didn't have time to mull it over. I had an appointment to keep.

When I arrived at Ambonisye's Zahriah was already there. Checking my watch I saw that I was right on time. Still I hated having kept her waiting, I was so impatient my damn self that I hated to keep other people waiting on me.

The woman stood and greeted me with a smile. I smiled in return, but my first inclination was to blush. The way she was looking at me somehow made me feel shy. As if I had accidently showed up naked, and just suddenly realized. I couldn't even meet her gaze, so I lowered my eyes as I sat down.

"You look beautiful" She said.

I suddenly felt beautiful once she had spoken. Again I knew I was blushing. Is Zahriah James actually flirting with me? Yes I think she is. I think I kind of like it too. Damn. I looked up again she was still watching me. For a moment I felt like a deer must feel beneath the sudden bright beams of oncoming headlights. I couldn't help but stare, transfixed even as danger rushed toward me. She spoke first ending the silence that had stretched between us since my arrival.

"Why don't we try the Mchuzi wa bata."

"And what exactly is that?" I asked

She went through a long explanation about the preparation of a Tanzanian recipe for duckling, while I watched the way her lips hugged the words that were leaving her mouth. When she finished I answered with a simple.

"Sure."

The waiter showed up bearing menus only to find that we had decided on a dish which would be more than enough for the two of us to share. He smiled and commended our choice and then inquired about drinks and appetizer. Once the ordering was taken care of he disappeared only to return moments later bearing our beverages. Then once again we were left to keep one another company.

Just as with the day before time seemed to fly by as we talked about everything and nothing at all. Part of me wanted to deny the attraction that I knew was between us, if I were more niaeve or even just able to trick myself into thinking I could be that naieve I know I could have pretended not to feel the link between us.

It was almost easy to ignore because it was only slightly stronger than the pull and affiliation I felt for any of my other female friends, but it was different too. I knew that like I knew my own name. I had never been attracted to a woman before but I had been attracted to men and I knew the tell tale signs of my own attraction. Knowing that I wanted her should have been like a lighthouse sending out a warning beacon, instead of straying from the light she threw off I was headed right for it. I shouldn't have been surprised when I crashed against the rocky shore and found my life scattered in bits and pieces around me.

I guess the best way to explain it was simply that I was curious. Not about what she could do to or for me and not about what it would be like to be with a woman. No my curiosity like everything else in my small world revolved around me, I wanted to know exactly what it was that was making me feel her like I was. Just like with my art I was searching for answers, even when I wasn't sure how to phrase the questions I was looking and searching for the answers.

I guess that's why I kept Zahriah in my life, when I should have walked away without a backward glace. At that point I didn't even plan on being with her, not sexually and certainly not emotionally. I was willing to treat the whole thing like an carefully controlled experiment. Once I found out why she evoked these feeling in me I could let it go, and walk away with my answers and my self assurances about who I was. Even at 28 I didn't have sense enough to realize that I couldn't control people and events, this wasn't some damn chemistry set I could play with and then put away.

Five months later I knew it hadn't become a question of if I would be with her, the question had become when. She had pulled me into her life and I had opened the door for her to stroll right into mine. The most enticing thing about her was how she would spend hours just listening to me talk or conversing with me. Even though I didn't want to make comparisons between her and Rafi I just couldn't help it. Rafi and I communicated and talked but one thing he couldn't understand was what it was like to be constantly in the spotlight and constantly living up to the expectations of an entire race.

I couldn't fully explain it then and I don't know if I can do so now but I'll try. See the black community is just like one big fucked up ass family. We had our black sheep who you just didn't acknowledge. The drug dealers and drug addicts were like the cousin you knew was a crack head but you just never said shit about it in public, still you made sure to keep your money tucked inside your bra just in case he started to wild out. Then there were the achievers the ones who were your family's pride and joy, half of the family just wanted them to succeed to bring some sort of credibility and pride to the family name. The other half pretended to want to see you do good but they were just watching for you to trip up or fall down, just so they could wispher about how you wasn't shit anyway or how it served you right for thinking you could do better or be better or expect better.

When I did well I felt that pride but just like the haters I was clocking my time on top and wondering when and if I would fall. My own personal achievements became those of my entire community because one of "theirs" had done well. Still the pressure of being a success was getting to me I didn't want to let the "family" down but I wasn't sure if I could keep on making them proud. The fucked up part about the community was the fact that there was no unity or solidarity. In that area we differed from a real family unit. Anybody that grew up around the way knew for sure that if you messed with somebody it was open season for their older brothers, sisters, or cousin and friends to beat you down like a Hebrew slave. The community on a whole didn't care or give a damn who caught a beat down as long as it didn't personally affect them. That's why nobody but the police gave a damn about the 12, 13 and fourteen year olds tricking on the boulevard.

They own mamas probably didn't care, and nobody said a thing when drugs started infiltrating and taking over right out in the open, and young boys went from playing cops and robbers to running from the police. If you told you were a snitch if you tried to stop it you were a hater, and you might come up missing and nobody would even try to look for you, lest they catch a bullet on your behalf. If you wanted to move you were a straight up sell out and all of sudden you were beaugious for not wanting to be all up in a place filled with crime, violence, drugs and God only knew what else.

Everybody wanted better but when somebody got it the same folks that were struggling to get out was trying to pull you back in.

We were competing and back biting and hating each other while at the same time we were loving and praying and hoping for each other. I guess that's the reason drama was always popping off in predominantly black areas. There was such a thin line between love and hate, with both of the emotions being equal things could turn volitaile in a second.

Zahriah and I would talk about the community and how it felt to be a success, sometimes we would discuss the many stresses that living in the public eye could bring and more than anything else we each spoke about our fear of failure or not living up to the expectations that were constantly and silently being set before us. We also talked about being down for the cause. We wanted things to be better for black folks and got mad that so many of them didn't seem to want better for themselves. She speculated on things being a constant struggle because black people on a whole were still living with a slave mentality.

"Why you think that?" I asked her after she had said the black community was stuck in a slave mentality.

We were sitting in her apartment, the place was her all over, from the books that lined her many book shelves to the collection of records she had alphabetized inside of an entertainment system with tinted, and leaded glass doors. Even her scent invaded the entirety of her apartment like she took her smell from it instead of the other way around. She was standing up pacing the floor while I sat on her deep dark, so brown it was almost black leather sofa



"Because even though "we" talk about being sick and tired of being sick and tired, we still have people focusing on light skin and good hair like we trying to make house nigga or something. Instead of cleaning up the community you see people aiding and abetting criminals, and letting drugs and guns come up in the places where we rest our heads. You know like I know the epidemic of drugs is in the suburbs just like its in the ghetto, there's crack heads and coke heads and weed heads everywhere but you wont catch those white folks bringing the shit up in their homes and offices."

She paused to take a breath before going on

"They leave that to us. Hell they don't even have to kill us and rob us and rape us anymore, they set us up to do that to ourselves. Just like marionettes we jump every time they pull those damn puppet masters pull those puppet strings. We need to cut loose and be our own masters but we to focused on keeping the next person down to go on ahead and get up."

I nodded thinking she was right, her answer was thought out and on point. I wanted to disagree with all the negative things she had said but I just couldn't because they were right. I was amped up on her passion and the fire in her eyes when she spoke. I found myself getting her into political or racial conversations just to see her all up in arms.

"I guess." I said like I was speculating even though I agreed with her one hundred percent.

"What do you mean you guess?" She asked placing both her hands on her hips like she was about to jump bad on me. I knew she hated indecisive answers but I just couldn't resist teasing her a little bit.

"Dang girl what are you gonna do beat the answer out of me?" I smiled and searched her eyes. She relaxed her pose and a smile drifted around the corners of her full lips.

"Why do I always let you get me all revved up?"

"Because you like what I do." I let my smile get bigger while I watched her watch me.

"Yeah I do." She said pulling her eyes away from my face and looking off in another direction.

She was always doing that when the attraction got to strong, it had been damn near six months since I'd first met her and a little less than four since I'd tried to let her know she could have it anytime and anywhere that she wanted it. She hadn't turned me down exactly but she made it clear that she wasn't about to be unfaithful to her girl friend.

I had never met the woman but I didn't like her just because she was stopping Zahriah from being with me. Her name was Ayana Wakefield. She was a photo journalist or something like that. She was always off on some assignment so it wasn't her physical presence that got in my way. Even now she was in Hati slumming it in some village. She had been home for two weeks last month but never seemed to make it more than 14 days on shore without jetting off to some foreign country.

Zariah had a few pictures of the woman around so even though I had never met her I knew she was light skinned and slender. She had light brown eyes and kinky black hair that she was sporting in a nappy and happy afro. She was smiling in every single shot , showing off the slight gap between her otherwise perfect teeth.

There was one picture that drew my eyes every time I came into her home. It was an eight by ten with the two women hugging in a more that friendly embrace. The both of them were smiling like crazy. You could see their love and happiness even in the stillness of the photograph. Part of me hated myself for wanting to break them apart just so I could get in but a bigger part of me wanted to be the girl in Zahriah's arms sharing and adding to her happiness.

Forget the fact that I had Rafi, women were always complaining about not being able to find a good black man who had a steady job no kids no records no drama. I had found just that, even now I was wearing his ring on the third finger of my left hand. I had promised to be his wife and his helpmeet and now here I was cheating. True indeed that I hadn't touched, kissed or even held Zariah, still I was having an emotional affair with her and as soon as she opened the door things would get physical. I never consciously thought about what I was risking every time I went to her house or to meet her somewhere. Instead of thinking about what I was doing I put Rafi from my mind and went ahead and did what I wanted to do.

By the time she met my eyes again the lust I knew I had seen there only moments ago was gone. I sighed and stretched, I didn't miss the way her eyes drifted over me when she thought I wasn't looking. I smiled to myself but didn't let on that I had caught her looking. I knew she was feeling me and wanting me but it looked like I still couldn't have her. It both enticed me and put me off that she wasn't giving me what I wanted. I checked my watch and saw that once again the hours had passed us by. For the first time I noted that the sky outside of her windows had darkened. It was winter so it tended to get dark early but the glance at my watch had told me it was well past eight o clock.

I had been here for four and a half hours. Rafi thought I was at my studio because I had allowed him to think so. I had in fact gone to my studio in the morning just like I told him I would but I'd cut out at 3:30 knowing he would think I was working.

Still I was frustrated and I knew I needed to go on and go home.

"I'm about to go." I said letting her know my intentions.

"Oh so just because I won't give you none you about to go get some from "your" man?"

She had hit the nail on the head but I was still mad about it. She hardly ever bought Rafi up but when she did it always ended in anger. I didn't want her throwing how wrong I was up in my face, I didn't want to think about that part of our situation and certainly didn't want to own up to my own dirt.

Like I said it was true that I was never more ready to make love to Rafi than when I left Zahriah. She kept me open and wanting but her constant refusal to be there for me physically left me sexually frustrated. I would leave her and be ready to jump on Rafi and ride his dick like I was a jockey and he was a prize winning thoroughbred. He didn't notice or he didn't care because he was always ready and happy to have me. "My sex life is none of your business." I stated calmly even though on the inside I was mad as hell.

All I wanted was for my sex life to be her business but she wasn't trying to have it. Still she seemed mad that I was getting it from anywhere. I couldn't quite understand why she was so put out by my relationship with Rafiki. It had in fact been Rafi who introduced us so it wasn't like I sprang him on h er out of nowhere. I mean sure I was jealous of her girlfriend and even trying to oust the woman to get what I wanted but it wasn't because I didn't want Zahriah to be with anyone. Hell if she would have me I'd gladly play the role of the other woman.

I wasn't mad that Ayana existed I was mad that even in her absence it was like she was right there standing between us. Zahriah seemed not only mad at Rafi for existing in my life but also resentful as hell that I went home and slept in his arms every night.

I had long since made it clear that she have me physically so him standing in the way on that front wasn't even a problem which is why I couldn't understand her hostility. It didn't even occur to me that she had "caught feelings" for me. I wasn't accustomed to being with a woman and I didn't fully realize that linking myself to her in an emotional way could be far stronger than any sexual pull would ever be.

""No, your right Raissa it's not."

With that she turned away and walked deeper into her house. A moment later I heard a door close. I saw myself out slamming the door a little bit harder than necessary. Walking outside I hailed a taxi and as it pulled away from the curb all I wanted to do was cry. I hated fighting and having contention between us but more than that I hated when she walked away and shut me out.

By the time I got home I had dried my tears and rubbed some lotion on my face to erase the evidence of tears. As I rode the elevator up to my apartment I slipped easily into back into the role of the loving committed fianc Rafi thought me to be. Unlike with him I couldn't put Zahriah out of my mind for minutes at a time let alone hours but I could easily play the part of the woman he had come to know. Wasn't every move I made just me playing a part anyway?

"Hey baby." Rafi swept me into his strong dark arms and kissed me deeply after greeting me verbally.

I returned his senseous kiss, and answered with a dazed hey of my own when he pulled his lips from mine.

My body responded to his touch and his kiss, I had entered the house in a state of arousal and him holding me and kissing me like that had me ready to strip of my clothes and fuck the hell out of him right there in the front entrance. I wanted badly to jump his sexy bones but I knew he would know something was up if I started acting like I was a damn freak or something. I wasn't conservative by any means but I had also never fucked him on the marble floor of our foyer. I pulled away from him and smiled like everything in my world was peaches and cream. I stripped of my winter coat and hung it in the closet before turning to face him again.

"I'm going to take a bath." I let him know as I walked into the bedroom and on thru to the master bath.

I had started unbuttoning my blouse right in the front hall and made sure he caught an eyeful of my ample cleavage. I ran a steaming hot bath sweetened with the scent of concentrated rose oil and sweet smelling soap. By the time I got out of the tub and let the water flow down the drain I knew he would be ready. Just as I predicted he was ready and waiting in the bedroom when I came out wrapped in nothing but a plush baby pink towel.

He was siting on the bed buck naked in all his beautiful glory, running his hand up and down the shaft of his long thick penis. I stood there watching him for a moment, he knew I loved to watch him pleasuring himself he also knew it would only be a few minutes before I joined in. Just watching him handle his erection had me getting wet as bat-winged butterflies filled my stomach. I dropped my towel right where I stood and pinched my nipples while I watched him watch me. I was teasing him knowing he liked to watch just as much if not more than I did.

Taking my left hand I lifted my right breast to my lips and flicked my tongue over my own hard dark brown nipple. He moaned as I teased myself. I switched from one breast to the other getting excited by my own damn self. After a few moments I went back to pinching my now wet nipples with my right hand while I slipped my left hand between my thighs. I could feel the silky wetness of my arousal at the entrance of my pussy. I spread the wetness between my lips and over my hard clit. I was so into it I closed my eyes and didn't even realized he had moved until he swept me up in his arms and carried me to the bed he had so recently vacated.

He knelt over me looking into my eyes as if he could see my soul in their depths, a moment later he pressed his lips to mine and kissed me. He kissed my lips pushing his tongue into my mouth and then sucking my bottom lip. I could have skipped the foreplay and got right to the main event but he took me slowly. He kissed my neck flicking his tongue over my collarbone as he ran his strong tapered fingers over the expanse of my smooth brown skin. He touched me everywhere first with his fingers and then with his lips. I was almost in tears by the time I felt his warm wet tongue sliding between the folds of my throbbing pussy.

He licked sucked and tasted every place he knew would make me moan, he took me over the edge twice before he eased up my body and hovered over me like he was about to start doing push ups. I knew he liked to take me like this, he would spread my thighs and push my knees up by my shoulders so he could hit it deep and hard. At the start of our realtionship I had hated this position because with his size and girth it was just to much and instead of being pleasurable it was just down right uncomfortable. Over the years I had gotten used to his size and he always made sure I was turned on and wet and open for him.

Still this wasn't my favorite position, it wasn't entirely uncomfortable any more and once he got going I could flow with it but tonight I wanted him to hit it from the back. Pressing my hand against his chest I pushed him slightly. Without even having to ask he rolled off of me. He lay flat on his back probably assuming that I wanted to be on top so I could ride him. It was tempting with him laying there all sweat slicked and ready but I still wanted what I wanted. Instead of mounting him I sat up and got off the bed. I knelt on the large soft area rug that covered the floor surrounding our bed and the space underneath.

Resting most of my weight on my elbows I dipped my back low and pushed my ass higher into the air. Looking at him I licked my lips then pulled the bottom one between my teeth and held it there. He didn't need to be asked to kneel behind me and grasp hold of my full hips and slide his long thick shaft between the wet waiting lips of my pussy. He penetrated me slowly letting me feel every inch of him. I moaned as he stretched me and filled me to capacity. I tightened my muscles wanting to show him how much I wanted him. He slid out slowly until the head of his penis was the only thing left inside of me then he stroked back in just as slowly.

Now I love a slow smooth ass fuck but right now I wanted it hard fast and rough. Resting my hands on the floor I pushed back hard and fast forcing him to pick up his slow steady rhythm. He caught my more than hint and started hitting that shit hard and fast. We were moving to a passion and a beat that was primal and I still wanted more I pushed back against him grinding my ass in a circle letting him hit every spot that would drive me crazy. When I squeezed my inner muscles tight around him he called out my name and moved even faster. Bracing myself on my right hand I slid my left hand between my thighs and stroked my clit hard and fast. He took me over the edge then followed before we both collapsed wet with sweat and spent on the rug. He lay ontop of me for a while before he stood and helped me to my feet. I wanted to take a shower and eat a little something before I settled down for the night but all Rafi wanted to do was pull me onto the bed and start all over again. He could go two or three rounds once I got him good and revved up and for that I wasn't even a little mad at him.

He kissed my lips and slid into me slow and easy while he took me the way he liked best. This time I was ready to be penetrated hard and extra deep. I raised my legs and spread them wide. He held them in his strong hands and worked his shaft hard fast and deep inside of me. I was so sensitive and ready that it only took a few strokes to have me moaning his name and calling him daddy. We fell asleep after that buck naked with our limbs and breath entangled.

When I woke early the next morning I knew I was smiling and glowing from all that good lovin that I'd had. All I could do all while I showered and dressed was smile and be happy that my man could put it down like a king in the bedroom. I dressed in a tight fitting black sweater and some black pants that hugged all my curves. When I got to my studio I would strip down and put on my make shift smock over my expensive lingerie . The smock was an oversized shirt that hung to my thighs and had once been my lover's. There were splotches of paint every where on it and no matter how much I lovingly washed it, the shirt always seemed in need of care.

I had long since finished my sculpture of the woman, I had started the morning after I met Zahriah. She had been my unknowing inspiration and I couldn't shake her from the walls of my imagination. The woman looked so much like the object of my affections it would be unfair to say it wasn't her. She was sitting there naked with her arms and legs crossed, and a turban wrapped tightly around her long locs. Some of the locs fell loose and showed. On her lips sat a mysterious smile and her eyes seemed to laugh at you because the ends were slightly upturned.

It was my best work ever and I hadn't showed it to a soul. No one would be able to deny the beauty of what she had inspired. It had been cast and the glossed all in a deep dark obsidian. I couldn't help but stare at it with pride. That's how Zahriah found me. Half dressed and full of pride. When she knocked on the door I knew it couldn't be anyone but her. She was the only one welcome in my studio. Usually I kept the statue cloaked and only uncovered it when I needed to think.

Staring into her face helped me sort my thoughts out. This time though I had sparked a J and was sitting on my old couch touching myself while I thought about last night. I had left her uncovered and was staring straight into her eyes proud as hell of my creation. She was so perfect yet not as exquisitely designed as the woman she was fashioned after.

When she knocked on the door I was to disconnected to remember to recover the statue. She had wondered many times what I kept so tightly under wraps but I still hadn't given her so much as a hint. Now here it was out in the open. She stared at it when I came in then looked at me. I was standing there with my shirt unbuttoned and my hair in disarray.

She looked at the statue for long moments of silence and then suddenly stepped closer to me. Her kiss was so sudden I didn't even see her move. She just pulled my head close to hers and then touched her warm lips to mine. I was so shocked I almost didn't respond. Then I did, pulling her closer to me flicked my tongue against her lips. She part her lips and let her tongue touch mine. My body felt like it was about to catch fire. I wanted her to touch me and lick me all over. The thought of her straight white teeth sinking gently into my flesh while as she licked and bit me made me moan. She pulled away then and did the worse thing in the world.

"I'm sorry." She had apologized for kissing me!

I couldn't even believe this shit. I swear fore God I couldn't. I just turned away from her and wandered into my old bedroom. There were tears in my eyes but I didn't even know I was crying until she told me to stop. She grabbed arm turned me toward her.

"Stop crying Raissa , please stop.'

She was pleading with me like she couldn't stand to see my tears. She pulled me closer as she cupped my face in her hands and once again her lips parted as she kissed me hard and deep. I knew I wouldn't have her tonight but at least something had finally happened. Now I felt like something was about to jump off. I couldn't wait. I should have showed her the statue months ago. I was right she didn't give herself to me but she did kiss me one last time.

She held me close then we left to go to a little deli that I knew of. They had the best subs in the world. We drank and ate and got intoxicated on each other. When I left her that night I was smiling like I was just as satisfied with her time as I was with the night of passion Rafi had given me.

My fianc wasn't waiting for me on this night when I felt I needed relief the most. He was off somewhere doing business no doubt. Or maybe he was cheating on me like I was cheating on him. I found myself distrusting him and whereabouts because I was being dishonest with him and myself.

As long as it wasn't physical I could cop out of my cheating and lie to him and myself for just a little longer. Today had shot that myth out of my mind. I had kissed another person, my lips had been shared and soon my body would be too. It was with a woman to boot. If someone had told me a week before I meet Zahriah that I would be necking with her in my studio more half a year later I would have laughed and told them to stop playing. But this here wasn't no game and things had suddenly gotten crucial as hell.

Much later in the evening I sat eating a sandwich lonely and dissatified. I wasn't wishing for my strong dark man who still wasn't home. I was thinking of a tall dark woman with long locs that fell to the middle of her back. I picked up the phone and dialed her number but dropped it back into the reciever with disgust when a light sweet voice that could never be Zahriah's spoke into the phone.

I guess her little high yellow bitch was back. I hated myself for thinking that thought, but I hated Ayana's presence even more. I wondered if she had kissed her lips before she came in kissed mine. Or (this thought made me smile) Maybe she had gone home from kissing me and then went home and brushed her lovers mouth with the taste of my kiss still resting on her lips.

I moved from the kitchen after dumping my picked over food and washing the plate before heading into the living room. For the first time I opened my mind and seriously contemplated my situation. I soon grew frustrated with the little progress that I'd made in answering my question. Once again pushed the issue from my mind and just lived each moment for itself.

Rafi didn't come in until many hours later, by that time I had stripped and settled between the cool sheets. I was only half awake and only managed to murmur "hey baby" by way of greeting. I felt his lips brush my forehead and would have fallen asleep if I hadn't caught a clear whiff of some bitch's perfume. I knew when he hosted events at the gallery women sometimes hugged him and left behind their scent but there hadn't been any damn gallery event.

There hadn't been any event at all gallery or otherwise that she knew about. In fact he had told her this morning that he was going to meet his accountant for dinner and discuss his growing stock portfolio. He had an artsy soul but an intellectual mind. He worked for his money then made it work for him.

I knew our accountant seeing as he worked for both of us. Unless I had missed some serious changes I knew our old wrinkled accountant hadn't started wearing drugstore perfume and smelling like cheap wine. I sat up and turned on the light in one swift motion. I stared at him like I was searching from something out of the ordinary but now he was stripping and tossing his clothes rapidly into his personal hamper. By morning they would reabsorb his strong cologne and it was to obvious to pick them up and sniff them now. After all I had been almost asleep and I could have imagined it. Then he slid his dark naked body next to mine and kissed me before laying down and turning his back to me. I lay down thinking I was just paranoid but worried nonetheless.

The next few days I watched Rafi closely he didn't seem to be hiding anything but then again he could just be a sneaky ass. I forgot about what I thought I smelled and just chalked it up to a guilty conciense. I still went to the studio and worked then I cut out after a few hours to sneak out and see Zahriah. I guess I was the sneaky ass.

Anyway we met at restaurants that week because her main squeeze was holing up in the apartment. I thought it was so unfair I wanted to go somewhere quiet and have her all to myself but there was no where or at least I thought not. It wasn't until the fourth day of Ayana's return that I considered the studio. I know some would think the idea should have dawned on me immediately but it was that foreign it took days for it to even form in my thoughts.

When Zariah called me at the studio that morning and asked me where I wanted to meet. The word

"Right here." popped out of my mouth. I hadn't thought about it but then there it was. She came up into the studio bearing a bag of barbeque take out from the best barbeque pit in the burrough. She had brought paper plates, plastic utensils and a six pack of beer. She had even carried with her a single garbage bag and some napkins for easy clean up. I took the bag and unpacked the food suddenly ravenous. She laughed as I ate and drank heartily. She was no slouch though she had consumed three beers and countless ribs and spoons of cole slaw along with slabs of sauce soaked white bread.

We cleaned up later easily tossing the empty containers and used plates into the trash bag she'd thought to bring. I tied the bag and set it by the door so I could take it out as we left. I was wearing my makeshift smock again and once again I had left it open. It was cool in the studio so my hard nipples strained against the black lace of my bra. I had opened my shirt as I sweated and painted this morning. I had been in a frenzy to work out some of the stress and tension I was feeling. Now I was just sitting and there were goose bumps on by bare legs and chest. She stared at my breasts and licked her lips before meeting my eyes again.

"You should get dressed, you're gonna catch cold."

Her eyes were all over me again and I couldn't help but laugh. I stretched my arms over my head and stared at her. Her eyes wandered downward and took in my voluptuous frame.

"Why don't you warm me up Riah."

I raised my eyebrow and cocked my head to the side like I had an attitude. She laughed and looked away. By the time she turned back I had let my long untouched curls drift down my back. I usually pinned my hair up and kept it like that so I cold paint without getting it in my hair. Sometimes I wore it down but never as untamed as it was now falling in unbridled waves past my shoulders and touching the top of my breasts. I had also let the shirt slip off my shoulders and rest on my upper arms. I smiled as she stared at me all over again. Then as she watched I propped one foot on the sofa between us and the other still rested on the floor. I had on a pair of french cut lace panties that left nothing to the imagination. Her eyes were resting on the place between my thighs.

While she watched I pulled the crotch of my panties aside and showed her my almost naked wet pussy. I thought I heard her moan as my fingers parted my slightly damp lips. I let my fingers drift in small circles over the tip of my clit then I pushed my middle and ring finger deep inside myself. They slipped out wet and shiny and made me moan when the grazed my clit. The whole time I was touching myself I was looking into her wide hazel eyes. She was focused on me and what I was doing and I was getting off on watching her watch me. Soon she had pulled down her expensive wool pants and kicked them aside she sat there in a close fitting dark brown v neck sweater and a pair on peach panties. Her skin seemed to glow around the satin material. She lifted her ass and pulled down her panties. She was completely shaved and her clit peeked out just a little from her plump lips. She spread those lips for me and stroked her self to the same rhythm I was feeling myself to. Our hands dipped and moved and soon the room was filled with moaning and our combined but not mixed scents.

When I was finished I watched her hit the last few stokes in her pussy before she came hard and loud. When she was done she moved to grab her pants and balled up panties. I was still exposed and while she prepared to get dressed I was stripping. She paused and stared at me. I stood and closed the space between us. I straddled her naked hips and pressed myself against her. Her hands quickly dropped the pants and panties she had just picked up. She placed them on my bare ass and moved me against her slow and hard. I moaned her name and pressed my pussy harder against hers.

I worked her out of her sweater then she lifted hers hands so I could take off her pretty peach bra. Her breasts were full and inviting I tugged he large brown nipples as I ground my wet pussy against hers. She leaned into me pushing me back on the couch so that she was lying on top of me. He hands still held my ass and guided our rhythm. Now she was kissing me and pressing her breasts into my hands.

I shook all over when I climaxed and then so did she. She tried to move away form me soon after she was spent but I held her with my arms and legs. She only half tried to get away then. I could tell part of her really did want the distance. She was probably wanting to run home to her girl right now and kiss her ass, so old girl wouldn't get suspicious or think she smelled me all over her woman. She might not have known me but she would know my smell wasn't hers or Zahriah's. I could also tell that a bigger part of her wanted to stay all hugged up on the sofa with me. I knew by the way she kept touching me and running her hands over my body that she hadn't had enough of me.

I eased my grip on her and looked into her face.

"Will you eat it Riah?" I asked adopting the little impromptu nick name I'd made up for earlier when I'd been flirting with her.

"Eat what?" She said with a naughty grin.

"Eat my pussy." I answered tightening my thighs around her for a moment.

"Yeah I'll eat it." she responded biting my bottom lip. I

I released her at once so quickly in fact that she almost fell off of me. She cracked up laughing and kissed her way down my body . To say I wasn't ready for how good she did me, wouldn't be enough to fully explain. She licked and touched places I didn't even know would make me jump. Her fingers had me wet but it was her lips and tongue that had me open.

I shook and sweated and cried as she took me to places I hadn't even known about let alone been to. She spread me open with her slender fingers and sucked my clit between her soft full lips. She pulled the little pearl of flesh into her lips and flicked it gently with the tip of her tongue. Pushing two fingers into me she pumped in and out of my pussy hard and fast. She had me moving my hips to meet her thrusts and moaning. She really took me over the edge when she put a freak on me and stuck one of her fingers into my wet pussy then pulled it out and quickly pushed it into my ass as she continued to finger me and eat my pussy. When she was done she kissed me on the lips and lay there for a few moments. After just a brief time she disengaged herself from me and stood.

"Can I take a shower?" She asked letting her eyes drift over me again like she couldn't bear to leave me.

I shook my head and she laughed no doubt thinking I was flirting and teasing again.

"Come on Raissa I have got to get it together. I have somewhere to be in a bit."

I knew she was probably going on a date with her chick or something but didn't want to say. Right now I felt more jealous than ever even though I was linked in the same way she was. We both had our other lovers and commitments there was need to get all possessive but that was exactly how I felt. Still even in my fit of momentary envy I knew she had to leave and so in fact did I.

"You cant take a shower because I don't have one. We can take a bath though." I told her as I rose to run the water. "No funny business, I promise." I said looking back at her. She shut her mouth on the protest I knew she had been about to make against our joint bathing venture.

Ten minutes later she and I were soaking in a tub of steaming hot flower scented water. She soaped my back and washed me gently. I liked the feel of her hands rubbing bubbles over my wet skin and dipping into my intimate places. We didn't linger or fool around.much. We were out quickly and then we toweled off and redressed ourselves. We kissed only briefly before parting ways and stepping outside the studio.

As soon as I was away from her I wanted to be in her arms. I couldn't help but smile when I thought of how she made me feel and introduced me to my own pleasure and yes even my own body. She was the best lover I'd ever had and I couldn't believe how she'd gotten me off and made me moan her name. She had definitely rocked my whole universe, yes that's right I said universe not world. She had me wanting to run behind her like some willing puppy ready to do jump and dance for any attention she could throw my way.