I’ve been divorced since 4 years now and live alone in my own house. My story is nothing that I’m proud of to have carried out, but I couldn’t stop it. One thing followed by another.

I’m grateful if you please try to see it from my point of view.

My Fortune opened the possibility for me, a 52 y o man, to almost uninhibited play with a young, naked and undestroyed girl and I felt that I must be on that train, when it left the station. I have missed train before for the reason that I had not reacted in time and I have regretfully learned my lesson.

In my mind there was an unequal struggle between, on one side my conscience and what I’ve learned to be right and wrong and utilization of a weaker part, and on the other side my manly hormones that in my planning let my thoughts play with a 32 years younger, slender, soft and beautiful girl and the possibility to give body to my deep longing after unlimited power over a obedient female. I had learned it as a voluntarily obedient female”.

Guess which side that won?

First a little view of my background to my justification.

I was 20 y o when I had an immature and clumsy BDSM-play-relation with a young girl (Sonja 16 y o).

She was more plain than beautiful, but she offered me pleasure and obedience that I didn’t know existed.

It was she who opened up a window to and taught me about this strange World of BDSM. She had learned it from another and older boy, but after that she had been settled in the feeling of submission he broke up with her, finding a new and undestroyed mind and flesh.

I found her sad and forlorn on a park bench outside his house, where he had a new party. There was an empty place beside her and she unburdened her heart to me, a stranger. She told me that she couldn’t live without him and that he was so firm and comfortable for her.

In her disconsolation and missing of him she freely told me about their life together and how wonderful it had been when he decided everything for her. She proudly told me that she was his slave girl and had no worries in her life. She had only to do as she was told and she felt a peculiar and submissive nerve vibrate in her private parts and wanted more and more of that feeling.

As a late teenager I had no idea of anything else than the missionary position, but I was thrilled and bewitched by the feelings following the thoughts of the complete power over a female, that she gave him. As his slave girl she did absolutely anything that he told her to.

Everything of this was new and unknown to me and it spoke directly to my dick, (cock) which began to see its chances and a way to be spoiled over all senses.

We began a relation in the meaning that she moved into my home and I got the impression that she had me on trial. The first three days we were only friends, but then she opened up the window for me to see and enjoy this other World.

Sonja taught me to be a Master and she gave me delights that I didn’t knew existed. She was the most pleasant and female being that I ever have met. And she gave the words SEX and DELIGHTS a new meaning. I was struck dumb with her eagerness to serve me in any time of the day and that she always wanted to give more.

When ever I found out a new game or a new way for me to enjoy her I just told she and she made it be my reality. My enjoyment was the most important thing for her. She said: A slave girl lives only to make it pleasant in every way for her Master!”

I thought that I experience everything with her, but later my inventiveness improved and my former fantasies showed to be just the top of an iceberg, when she wasn’t there anymore.

She repeatedly told me that she had absolutely no limits and that I had to set them and that I also had to test her on that point. I execute anything that you order me to!”, Your will is my law!”, I love it when you test me and take out all of my abilities”, Don’t you worry about me, just think of your self and I’m your eagerly and willingly tool to do with what ever you wish”.

She wide opened a dominating world for me where she claimed that my will was the only one that existed in my home. She made my every boyish most madly sex dreams come true and I didn’t know what was up or down. I tried to find new orders for her to fulfill and she just performed what ever I could come up with. She was only 16.

She had very small breasts but I didn’t care. She had everything else that was supposed to be found on a woman’s body. And she was an expert in the art of giving pleasure to a man, thrilled up many levels by her total obedience and exciting eagerness.

I hadn’t before, even heard about, that a girl could take a dick (cock) down into her throat and keep it there and massage it for then man’s pleasure. It surprised me to see my whole dick (18 cm 7 in) disappears into her mouth and that she had her lips in my pubic hair. She swallowed my sperm as it was much longed-for nectar. And she always licked her lips as she wanted more and licked my dick to make it clean or to entice it to give her more. I didn’t figure out what the real reason was.

Very often she spontaneously open up her mouth and gave me with that a sign that she wanted me to ORDER her to suck (blow) me.

She sucked me, licked my testicles, crutch and hairy behind as often as I wanted her to do it and many times a day she begged of me to order her to do it. She loved to lick and suck at my toes (even if that wasn’t my cup of tea) and to wash my whole body from my feet to my neck with her tongue in a very slow and thorough an-hour-and-a-half-process. She called it my body-wash”.

In the beginning I was terrible ticklish in my crotch and she had the look of a naughty girl that trigged for a punishment. I soon got more used to her sharpen and soft tongue and kissing lips, but the odd sensation of tickling was still there.

She loved to wake me up in the morning with my dick in her mouth or her tickling tongue deep in my crotch. Some time, when I was sleeping on my stomach she found the out-way in my behind with her tickling and licking tongue. Another time I woke up by her warm breath against my sensitive parts just before I drowsy with sleep perceive what was going to happen. It was a sensation that one could die for.

She told me that when I gave tasks for her tongue, lips, oral cavity and throat she sunk into her own giving and timeless world and could keep going for ever.

Punishment was not a big thing for us, (Read: To me) but sometime she provoked me to put her over my knees, more as a gesture or a play. Or rather she placed herself over my knees and presented her naked and wriggling bottom to my attention. 4-5 times she wanted me to spank her in a teaseling way with a birch-rod, that she produced and she wriggled more and more for each hit and asked for more with: Please, Sir, don’t stop”, I will be a good and obedient girl, Master! and I will do what ever you say, Master! A funny promises because she always did.

She reacted also by excitement when my hand hit her bare bottom and she told me that it trigged her to be much more obedient. To stress her point of view in the matter she said: When ever you want me more obedient, just spank me, Master!”

She also stressed that her bottom was always there for my hand or the birch twigs. I was the one who held back on that.

She begged me to, each time openly ORDER HER to show my friends her respect, when they arrived and when they left, by kneeling and soundly kissing outside their jeans and over their private parts. It was a way for her to show them their superiority over females but first of all to get them to envy and admire me, who had her full attention 24 hours a day. Every time I had to loudly order her; Show my friends your respect! and I knew that she loved these degrading actions in front of my friends.

One time I forgot it when two of my friends were going to leave and she gave me an evil eye of blame, but submissively nothing more. That remind me and she got her order and winked at me before she threw herself to her knees in front of Mattis and Gunnar and performed her self-created humiliating mission.

I had an increasing numbers of manly friends those days. Wonder why! Smile*

She was always fully dressed and she often overact her serving role and openly told my guests that she was my slave girl to do with as I pleased and that her only mission in life was to release my dick in any way I wished for and that I could do anything to her that pleased me. She often stressed that “My Masters wish is my command and jokily He only has to open his mouth and then I do the same, but for another cause! she teased them.

Gunnar said in open enviousness that he very much liked to try that mouth and she answered instantly: “If Peter orders me I will not refuse and it will give you pleasure beyond your wildest dreams. But he is my Master and decides for me what to do!”

I knew that she loved to give me the absolute power over her in front of the boys. To point out that my will was the only thing that restrains anything to happen in the room.

Probably was I the only one in the room that knew that she didn’t exaggerated about the pleasure she was capable to give.

Still I could see her cheeks turn red when she told three of my manly friends that I often trained her in obedience like a dog and that she naked followed all my commands. She loved the envy she raised and after that, when we were alone she was especially willingly and wet for me, if that was possible.

Smilingly she noted that so many boys wanted to be my friends.

Sonja was the gift of God to Man.

When we had guests she stood up ready to serve me or sat at my feet, as if she was ready to give me oral service at any sign for it. I knew she would have done it openly and in a great show without hesitation if I had ordered her. But I thought that her fully clothes and verbally and obedient exhibitions were enough.

I must say that even I liked the eyes of jealousy from my friends, knowing that any of them would have swap for my Master-role in a second. One of them Anders asked if he could sit in a nook to observe when I trained my naked slave girl, but I said NO.

Quickly I found that I was the one who must take responsibility for her action, not she. She stressed verbally on front of my friends that she was there only for me and that I could be released in any way I liked, how often I wished and for how long as I wanted. It was only for me to command her. She loved her long-time missions. I saw many pants bulged when she raised and feed their fantasy images up to the sky.

Knowing that she had absolutely no limits I demonstrated my responsibility when I (we) had guests at home. Though, it was a thrilling and exciting feeling to know that only my restrictions prevent her from a naked and total submissive show by her own in front of my friends. Knowing that she had done absolutely anything to make them envy her Master. That was also the reason to let her be fully dressed when I had visitors. She had begged me to have her showing more skin when we had guests but I denied her that. Before any guest arrived I choose from her clothes, which she had put on the bed, what she should wear and afterwards she put away all the other.

During two minutes-intensive months I experienced the heaven with her, but was forced to temporary move from the town, when my mother died. But temporary was transformed to perpetual and I didn’t move back. I have never regretted anything more in my life.

In my hair-raising missing of her I understood that I had been gawky in my attempt to be a demanding Master for her. She had very much more to give.

This I had to painfully regret during the coming years as I married, divorced, remarried and divorced.

My wife no 1 offer me only lame trying to play in my newfound game so it was my fantasy that saved me, but it also overthrow my both marriages. Most was my own fault - all of it to be truthful.

My 2nd wife found my fantasy notes from my time after Sonja and that was too much for her.

The more Sonja disappeared in my history the more I regretted all the things I could have enjoyed her more. In a time when she gave me completely free hands with her.

I couldn’t let go of all the trigging experiences of power and in my imagination I refreshed them.

I searched contact with Sonja two times, only to find that she had changed and was now more mature. She had two children and they were her life now. She told me that there was no longer any room for that childish nonsense”, as she called our games. I felt tears of disappointment rolling down my cheeks though I’m not a crying man.

I regretted again all the things that I hadn’t done with her, when she had another point of view.

I sadly and philosophically found out that Past times never returns and can’t be copied, the parameters has always been changed! /C)

In my longing for power I tried to influence a female co-worker into the BDSM-world. When I had got her interested for a try she was on her way back to her husband, after a short visit in freedom. I often wonder if that spark was a lease of new life for them.

I succeed to persuade my first wife and negotiate about having her be my slave girl in my game. But she just played her role to be nice to me and she hadn’t the prime mover that I had seen in Sonja and that I thought was necessarily. The voluntarily drive.

That was the way Sonja had taught me, that the woman herself wanted to be a slave girl. This story will show a bit of a compromise in the signification of the word voluntarily”.

Those negotiate cost me a lot and she carry through her part of the game mechanically and without her soul. If you understand my meaning I could as well had had The inflatable Barbara (The plastic Doll).

No, the trigging experience of power was on ice and I could only get it to live in my fantasy. My God, I regretted the entire thing I didn’t do with Sonja, when she gave me the complete control over herself. She urged me to use more of my imagination and stimulated me to do more with her, but the blockhead, I

My fantasy played with the thoughts of training her in obedience in the presence of Per, one of my closest friends from childhood-time. He would have been trustworthy enough to not tell and I knew from later that he had really enjoyed her dog-like training. Every position I could showed her body in and any order she had obediently acted out, knowing he was watching. I knew she would like it and so would he and I.

In discussions with my friends and co-workers my solid opinion has always been that everyone decides for themselves as long as it is voluntarily. All kinds of blackmailing I had, like everyone else, rejected. Free will is words of honor.

//

Now closer in time:

I had had Micke as my best friend in many years now. It differs 19 years between us. I’m 52 y o and he is 33.

We have worked together and delivered TV sets and stereo equipments to the firm’s customer in many years. You carry in many different positions, lifting, dragging and slanting 40 inches TV-sets from the truck and to 5th floor when the elevator is out of order. In those situations it is essential to trust each other.

Micke has many times said that he didn’t experience any difference in age between us, more than that I have studied longer and lived longer. I see in him a very good friend and mate. Actually one of me best friends as I have only few now days. The only thing that really differs is our taste in music, his I don’t understand at all and mine is more melodious.

We have talked very much in the truck during these five years, both about our problems and our deepest thoughts.

Micke and I get on well and share the same opinions and are complementing each other well. It is inevitable that one have an effect on each other in different directions.

Deep discussions are one of our favorites. We often met after work and have a beer together, or more. Our fantasies move in the same area.

Very early I told him dreamingly about Sonja and I also gave him advice in how to handle a slave girl. It was partly new advices and ideas for him and some even for me as well. I had no slave girl to practice them on so I had to set with verbally living partly his life.

He started to joke about: You know you have a slave-girl-school at home!”

I told him freely and honestly about my life and he gave me the possibility to follow his in sharp verbally details. Very often in the truck he told me about his new conquests and how they fell out. He never held back on details and we had pleasure of it both him and I.

The concept Slave-girl-school become a joke between us. We both knew that I DIDN’T have it, but we fool around and pretended both that I had. Well I told him that I had plans for it but we both knew that would stay at the planning level for ever. I stimulated my own fantasies by preparing for a slave-girl-school in my home, searching Internet for projects and suggestions.

When he met a girl that he could play this special game with I came up with suggestions and he answer: You are the expert, you have your slave-girls-school at home: Then we both laugh loudly.

The last 2-3 years he steadily discussed the matter with me before he took a drastic decision in his love life, as a second opinion. He told me that it at many times had stopped him from just dash away and act.

Micke is a typical emotionalist and I am more calculating and logical. Sometimes I’m ashamed over my cold calculating mind and would rather become an emotionalist as he.

//

It was Friday evening and I watch TV in my loneliness when the phone rang. It had done that earlier and then it was X-wife no 2 that had gabbled in half an hour about negligible things that I not even remember. Intertwined in her drivels she said something about her wish to return to me. She had had some glass of wine so I didn’t even comment on that.

Honestly I didn’t know my answer. She had found my fantasy notes about BDSM and left me for them and she was much too prudish to play in my kind of game. She was raised to be a good girl”. Perhaps the wine had open up a door in her mind, I don’t know.

This call comes from Micke, who wanted to come over to me. He had a BIG problem.

- Yes certainly! You are always welcome.

One hour later he sat in my guest chair and told me about his problem, that later come to change my life to Eden or better. I didn’t know that then.

He had been living with Tina (20 y o) 4-5 months now, even if that she had her own flat as well. She was still madly in love with him, with a stress at MADLY and was also totally without of limits, as Sonja - I thought.

Micke was a good-looking man and he had boyish image with a natural attractiveness and had always an ironical glint in his eyes. Therefore it was no surprise that the girls were attracted to him.

He on the other side had started to get tired of Tina after just a month. She was as glue and he felt it like he couldn’t breathe.

He had told me that they very often played Master-slave-girl-roles and Tina was a girl that took her role-play gravely.

He had told me about their games and I had suggested variations and developments.

I, myself had only met her twice and both times in Micke’s home. She unknowing, I knew all about her submissiveness and she hadn’t paid me the same respect as Sonja had done with my friends. Well Sonja was unusual in her showing off to start envious.

One thing I found trigging and intriguing was that I could give Micke advices knowing that she was going to act them out later on the evening. It gave my reposing feeling of power an extra kick.

When he later told me about Tina I automatically thought of Sonja. It seams appeared as Tina also had that driving force, that she wanted to be a slave girl and in a funny way enjoyed it herself. She had told Micke that for her it was the giving and the feeling of self-devotion that incite her and lead her up to an orgasm.

Tina was a girl just turned 20 and rather Nordic-like with a long and light hair. She was slender and hardly smart in her head. This is not patronizing, we are different as creatures. But she fitted into the template: Folish Blonde or Bimbo. She was nice to look at with her long and slender legs and a visible behind in her jeans. She had full breasts in my opinion. Micke had told me the she bleached her light-brown hair and with that the epithet: Foolish Blonde disappeared.

I knew that Micke had met another girl, which he thought fitted him much better than Tina and that was the reason that he wanted to break up with Tina. And now he feared for seeing her cry and didn’t want to disappoint her.

Simply: He wanted to break up with her, but couldn’t do it.

He meant egoistically that for him it had been easier if she broke up with him, but she wouldn’t.

This was a big problem for him.

//